Jam Master Rob
Pardon me while I lay on the couch and ask for some advice.
I have been a part time DJ for 6 or 7 years now. This past spring I was let go from my day job in a carear that I had more than 20 years in and I have no desire to go back into it. I now have the chance to focus on my entertainment company and have it as my main source of income. I am getting married Nov 6th and my fiance is having issues with this. Not the fact that I am a DJ but the fact that most nights I will be gone most of the eveing leaving her home with the kids (we have 6 as a mixed family) 19, 17, 16, 13, 11 and 3. Along with being a DJ I am Also a trivia host and a sound tech at one of the bars I gig at when they have bands as well as running the sound board at my church. My goal is to eventualy only work Thurs, Fri, and Sats or less but right now its 5 nights a week. I surround myself with music it is my life! I have to say that my fiance and our children are my life as well.
So I am asking those of you Entertainers/DJs who do this job full time how you manage to find a healthy balance between family and a night job?
I have been a part time DJ for 6 or 7 years now. This past spring I was let go from my day job in a carear that I had more than 20 years in and I have no desire to go back into it. I now have the chance to focus on my entertainment company and have it as my main source of income. I am getting married Nov 6th and my fiance is having issues with this. Not the fact that I am a DJ but the fact that most nights I will be gone most of the eveing leaving her home with the kids (we have 6 as a mixed family) 19, 17, 16, 13, 11 and 3. Along with being a DJ I am Also a trivia host and a sound tech at one of the bars I gig at when they have bands as well as running the sound board at my church. My goal is to eventualy only work Thurs, Fri, and Sats or less but right now its 5 nights a week. I surround myself with music it is my life! I have to say that my fiance and our children are my life as well.
So I am asking those of you Entertainers/DJs who do this job full time how you manage to find a healthy balance between family and a night job?
Mensajes Thu 14 Oct 10 @ 1:10 am
GadgetMan
Tough one... I've DJ'd on and off for the past 28 years (since the age of 14). Between 18 and 22 I thought I'd hit my peak, my girlfriend then new I was DJ and knew that to see me she had to come with me or wait until an "off" night. Usually Sun thru Tue.
Then my career took off which included lots of overseas work and I had to put the vinyl down. Then I got married had kids and only DJ'd at friends parties, new year, the occasion gig where I literally hired all but the mixer and 1210's...
However in the last 10 years, since I moved to my current location things have taken off again. I went digital almost straight away having missed the CD era all together and being in IT just made it a natural progression. Had access to a PA rig so was able to take bookings whenever I needed to. Then you get the recommendations, repeat bookings, first call for local pubs and halls and then a club (Believe me, at just under 40, I did not expect to be a club DJ) and I've worked a couple more since and still a semi resident at one now.
My wife knows I love music and would do this full time if I didn't have the "career mortgage" and she often gets upset that she's left at home with the kids etc. and often refers to herself as a DJ widow...
Now I've started radio, internet radio that is, which means I am "at home" just "out of the way", she listens in and contributes to the chat room, but we only really get 2 nights together as we have other commitments as well.
She has complained, and still complains but she knows its a passion of mine.
However she has now found out she has back problems which may prevent her from doing her job and in the current climate leaving one and walking in to another is not gonna be that easy. Now, my additional income is gonna be essential and I may have to be out EVERY weekend.
I'm lucky in that I work from home. My wife is always home from work around 4 or earlier so we can catch up on a tea break or I can finish early if necessary. That said it can still take a toll on the marriage...
Does your wife work? If not then you have the days to spend together right? If she does, make sure you pull your weight around the house with the chores and kids and she'll see the benefit of a husband that only works evenings and weekends... ;-)
Oh and the girlfriend fram back then became my wife! That's why she can put up with it. In fact the reason things are where ther are today is because she started recommending me as a way of getting to know people after we moved. So it's all her fault - but you try telling her that!!!
Hope my ramblings help...
Roy
Then my career took off which included lots of overseas work and I had to put the vinyl down. Then I got married had kids and only DJ'd at friends parties, new year, the occasion gig where I literally hired all but the mixer and 1210's...
However in the last 10 years, since I moved to my current location things have taken off again. I went digital almost straight away having missed the CD era all together and being in IT just made it a natural progression. Had access to a PA rig so was able to take bookings whenever I needed to. Then you get the recommendations, repeat bookings, first call for local pubs and halls and then a club (Believe me, at just under 40, I did not expect to be a club DJ) and I've worked a couple more since and still a semi resident at one now.
My wife knows I love music and would do this full time if I didn't have the "career mortgage" and she often gets upset that she's left at home with the kids etc. and often refers to herself as a DJ widow...
Now I've started radio, internet radio that is, which means I am "at home" just "out of the way", she listens in and contributes to the chat room, but we only really get 2 nights together as we have other commitments as well.
She has complained, and still complains but she knows its a passion of mine.
However she has now found out she has back problems which may prevent her from doing her job and in the current climate leaving one and walking in to another is not gonna be that easy. Now, my additional income is gonna be essential and I may have to be out EVERY weekend.
I'm lucky in that I work from home. My wife is always home from work around 4 or earlier so we can catch up on a tea break or I can finish early if necessary. That said it can still take a toll on the marriage...
Does your wife work? If not then you have the days to spend together right? If she does, make sure you pull your weight around the house with the chores and kids and she'll see the benefit of a husband that only works evenings and weekends... ;-)
Oh and the girlfriend fram back then became my wife! That's why she can put up with it. In fact the reason things are where ther are today is because she started recommending me as a way of getting to know people after we moved. So it's all her fault - but you try telling her that!!!
Hope my ramblings help...
Roy
Mensajes Thu 14 Oct 10 @ 5:56 am
Fuskit
It's easy for me...I stay single (by choice) and see my daughter on my off days or during the day on days I work (I see her almost everyday so its not like that).
Michael
Michael
Mensajes Thu 14 Oct 10 @ 11:02 am
DJ Ace Cap1
I am fortunate, this is only a hobby, not a job but I think my wife would understand that this is something that brings us money & should accept it. I also understand that there has to be family time.
Mensajes Thu 14 Oct 10 @ 11:10 am
MAGAGAR80
Well I don't do this full time anymore but I think I have developed a pretty good system for keeping her happy.
Funny thing is I met her during one of my gigs so from the very first moment she knew I was a DJ.
Lucky for you most of your kids are older, mine are toddlers so it's a bit tougher. I hate having to leave her at home with 2 babies who try to compete for the attention of just 1 parent.
Here's a few things that have worked for me:
1) I tell people who want to book me to talk to my agent (My wife) that way she feels like shes somehow involved and if she give the OK to go out on a gig it's on her head and not on mine =) She's even listed on my business card as my booking agent.
2) Whatever money I make from these gigs I give to her, to me DJing is not work and I could care less about the cash. My wife is the one really sacrificing by having to stay home with my 3 month old baby girl and my 18 month son. I might keep some of the money if I need to buy some new equipment (buying new equipment can be a whole new battle so make sure you clear it first with your agent AKA Wife).
3) Pull your weight around the house, don't just leave your poor wife with all the kids and house shores all to herself. Make sure kids are taken care of and make sure your house looks OK before you leave to your gig, try to make things as easy as possible for your wife since being a single parent is not easy!
4) Get some of your kids involved DJing with you. My wife likes it when I take my 18 month old boy to my studio in my garage to play around with my equipment, he loves playing with the sliders and knobs on my mixer. My wife sees that as father and son bonding, heck she has even begged me to take him to the garage studio with me. I have even bought some cheap equipment exclusively for him to play with and beat up on.
5) Take a weekend off, stay home and take care of everything while your wife goes a girls night out with her girlfriends. My wife loves being able to hangout with her friends, she loves it when she has nothing to worry about and can go out and have fun.
6) Make time for your wife and family
Funny thing is I met her during one of my gigs so from the very first moment she knew I was a DJ.
Lucky for you most of your kids are older, mine are toddlers so it's a bit tougher. I hate having to leave her at home with 2 babies who try to compete for the attention of just 1 parent.
Here's a few things that have worked for me:
1) I tell people who want to book me to talk to my agent (My wife) that way she feels like shes somehow involved and if she give the OK to go out on a gig it's on her head and not on mine =) She's even listed on my business card as my booking agent.
2) Whatever money I make from these gigs I give to her, to me DJing is not work and I could care less about the cash. My wife is the one really sacrificing by having to stay home with my 3 month old baby girl and my 18 month son. I might keep some of the money if I need to buy some new equipment (buying new equipment can be a whole new battle so make sure you clear it first with your agent AKA Wife).
3) Pull your weight around the house, don't just leave your poor wife with all the kids and house shores all to herself. Make sure kids are taken care of and make sure your house looks OK before you leave to your gig, try to make things as easy as possible for your wife since being a single parent is not easy!
4) Get some of your kids involved DJing with you. My wife likes it when I take my 18 month old boy to my studio in my garage to play around with my equipment, he loves playing with the sliders and knobs on my mixer. My wife sees that as father and son bonding, heck she has even begged me to take him to the garage studio with me. I have even bought some cheap equipment exclusively for him to play with and beat up on.
5) Take a weekend off, stay home and take care of everything while your wife goes a girls night out with her girlfriends. My wife loves being able to hangout with her friends, she loves it when she has nothing to worry about and can go out and have fun.
6) Make time for your wife and family
Mensajes Thu 14 Oct 10 @ 12:33 pm
DGee
I feel your pain but it sounds to me as if your using your music career as an escape from the stresses of family life. After Nov. 6th music cannot be your life any longer. Your family will be your life and they must come first. If they don't then on Februrary 6th, you may find yourself a single man once again. How will you fit in all the parent teacher nights, spring and Xmas concerts etc, etc, etc. Will your children grow to resent you as you could never be there for them? A young adult, 3 teenagers, one upcoming teen and a toddler and you expect your wife to cope with this all? Dude, where are your priorities?
I don't know you at all but obviously you are loved and cherished by your wife to be and your family very much. If the kids are at school all day and you work 5 nights a week, where does the bonding of your mixed family come in. There was a situation on Nanny 911 that was similar to your circumstances. The husband worked as a pastor at the local church. When supper was over and he was needed to help with homework, baths, bedtime and other family duties he would just excuse himself and go back to the church until the kids had quieted down and gone to bed. His wife was on the verge of a nervous breakdown as she was running the whole house and he did nothing. I know times are tough and money is tight but there must be another way. When your 3 year old is much older you might consider ramping up your career but your kids need a daddy who is there for them. I have a six year old boy and the times that I will always remember are the cuddles on the couch while watching TV together and the bedtime stories and snuggles. Your teenagers may not mind you gone a whole lot but your 11 and 3 year old will. Don't miss them growing up. I certainly echo the advise already given and the point about involving your kids in different aspects of your career. The job you want to do and love is one for a person who has no commitments. A man cannot have two masters and I don't see this as a good decision for you or your family to be. My wife and I have both made personal sacrifices but in the end when my son jumps up into my arms, hugs me tight and says "Daddy, I Love You", I know I have made the right decisions.
I'll be keeping you both in my thoughts,
DGee
I don't know you at all but obviously you are loved and cherished by your wife to be and your family very much. If the kids are at school all day and you work 5 nights a week, where does the bonding of your mixed family come in. There was a situation on Nanny 911 that was similar to your circumstances. The husband worked as a pastor at the local church. When supper was over and he was needed to help with homework, baths, bedtime and other family duties he would just excuse himself and go back to the church until the kids had quieted down and gone to bed. His wife was on the verge of a nervous breakdown as she was running the whole house and he did nothing. I know times are tough and money is tight but there must be another way. When your 3 year old is much older you might consider ramping up your career but your kids need a daddy who is there for them. I have a six year old boy and the times that I will always remember are the cuddles on the couch while watching TV together and the bedtime stories and snuggles. Your teenagers may not mind you gone a whole lot but your 11 and 3 year old will. Don't miss them growing up. I certainly echo the advise already given and the point about involving your kids in different aspects of your career. The job you want to do and love is one for a person who has no commitments. A man cannot have two masters and I don't see this as a good decision for you or your family to be. My wife and I have both made personal sacrifices but in the end when my son jumps up into my arms, hugs me tight and says "Daddy, I Love You", I know I have made the right decisions.
I'll be keeping you both in my thoughts,
DGee
Mensajes Fri 15 Oct 10 @ 10:22 pm
Jam Master Rob
Thanks for all the advice and comments guys, I am at a gig right now but I will reply a little more thoroughly later. Keep it coming
Mensajes Fri 15 Oct 10 @ 11:28 pm
Man-Tk
Jam Master Rob wrote :
So I am asking those of you Entertainers/DJs who do this job full time how you manage to find a healthy balance between family and a night job?
So I am asking those of you Entertainers/DJs who do this job full time how you manage to find a healthy balance between family and a night job?
Easy for me : my wife is also a Dj (Vdj User too : Dj Caro )
Mensajes Sat 16 Oct 10 @ 6:09 am
DJ Ace Cap1
A real dj would leave his family to do gigs fulltime because isn't that what's important?
just kidding.
just kidding.
Mensajes Sat 16 Oct 10 @ 10:33 am
island sjoa
family is always first!!!! thats all I can say and not enough of it either
Mensajes Sat 16 Oct 10 @ 10:51 am
Jam Master Rob
Ok sorry guys it's been a busy week here!!
@ GadgetMan / Roy
"Does your wife work? If not then you have the days to spend together right? If she does, make sure you pull your weight around the house with the chores and kids and she'll see the benefit of a husband that only works evenings and weekends... ;-)"
It sounds Like you and the misses have a good relationship
Yes my fiance does work, two days from home and three days at the office. So that does give us time during the day on those days for some quality time. I am a very domesticated man I was raised by my mother and 3 older sisters, so doing chores and treating women with respect was beat into me at a early age. I have explained the benifits to her. But she is still not too thrilled about it.
1. I work less hours for the same money.
2. I am here for the kids when they leave for school and when the get home from school.
3. I will have the house clean and dinner cooked and kids homework underway or wraped up.
4. Sick kids or trips to the school I will always be available for.
Thanks for your lengthy reply.
@ Fuskit / Michael
"It's easy for me...I stay single (by choice) and see my daughter on my off days or during the day on days I work (I see her almost everyday so its not like that)."
Well marriage is not for everyone. I just got tired of being chased by all my "DJ Groupies" all the time and wanted to settle down. HA Just kidding! It is great that you make and take the time to spend with your daughter.
@DJ Ace Cap
"I am fortunate, this is only a hobby, not a job but I think my wife would understand that this is something that brings us money & should accept it. I also understand that there has to be family time."
That is my line of thinking as well.
@MAGAGAR80
1. Good idea, I will use that!
2. Thats another disagreement thats a commin lol. Hmm Lets see MC6000, Projector & Screen are on my list wish me luck!
3. No problem got that covered.
4. I have tried, my kids have no interest in it unless I am playing a all rock / alt rock genre gig. Her oldest son is more interested so we will have to see where that goes.
5. I have no problem with taking time off or letting her go out with friends it may just be a while before that hapens.
6. Working on that as well right now we barely have an organised kaos going on lots for us to do in the next two weeks!
@DGee
As a man my priority is to provide for my family with love, food, a roof over their heads etc etc... and I see this job as a way to do that with spending less time away from my family to do so. If you have read above you can see what I mean. You don't know me and i can assure you I am not trying to escape my family or the kids. I am very active in their lives and hobbies and I am a strict parent who stays on my kids like a rat on a cheeto and on the same hand I am open minded and encouraging to them and have and will continue to extend the same things to my future step children. As far as the school things go, any parent teacher meeting I have gone to involved me taking off from my day job for, so thats not a issue. I have never missed and event my kids have played in either. I may not be the worlds best dad but I try.
I leave the house 2 hours before bedtime here, so realy I am spending more time with the kids and am doing more around the house than she will be. I'm just not sure why she can't see what I see.
Thank you for your input.
@Man-Tk
Ha! Thats nice I bet you guys have fun!
@ DJ Ace cap1 again.
Yeah I keep my pimp hand strong!!! (until I get home and she takes it from me and slaps me with it) lol
@ island sjoa
I agree.
Thanks for everyones input on this subject.
@ GadgetMan / Roy
"Does your wife work? If not then you have the days to spend together right? If she does, make sure you pull your weight around the house with the chores and kids and she'll see the benefit of a husband that only works evenings and weekends... ;-)"
It sounds Like you and the misses have a good relationship
Yes my fiance does work, two days from home and three days at the office. So that does give us time during the day on those days for some quality time. I am a very domesticated man I was raised by my mother and 3 older sisters, so doing chores and treating women with respect was beat into me at a early age. I have explained the benifits to her. But she is still not too thrilled about it.
1. I work less hours for the same money.
2. I am here for the kids when they leave for school and when the get home from school.
3. I will have the house clean and dinner cooked and kids homework underway or wraped up.
4. Sick kids or trips to the school I will always be available for.
Thanks for your lengthy reply.
@ Fuskit / Michael
"It's easy for me...I stay single (by choice) and see my daughter on my off days or during the day on days I work (I see her almost everyday so its not like that)."
Well marriage is not for everyone. I just got tired of being chased by all my "DJ Groupies" all the time and wanted to settle down. HA Just kidding! It is great that you make and take the time to spend with your daughter.
@DJ Ace Cap
"I am fortunate, this is only a hobby, not a job but I think my wife would understand that this is something that brings us money & should accept it. I also understand that there has to be family time."
That is my line of thinking as well.
@MAGAGAR80
1. Good idea, I will use that!
2. Thats another disagreement thats a commin lol. Hmm Lets see MC6000, Projector & Screen are on my list wish me luck!
3. No problem got that covered.
4. I have tried, my kids have no interest in it unless I am playing a all rock / alt rock genre gig. Her oldest son is more interested so we will have to see where that goes.
5. I have no problem with taking time off or letting her go out with friends it may just be a while before that hapens.
6. Working on that as well right now we barely have an organised kaos going on lots for us to do in the next two weeks!
@DGee
As a man my priority is to provide for my family with love, food, a roof over their heads etc etc... and I see this job as a way to do that with spending less time away from my family to do so. If you have read above you can see what I mean. You don't know me and i can assure you I am not trying to escape my family or the kids. I am very active in their lives and hobbies and I am a strict parent who stays on my kids like a rat on a cheeto and on the same hand I am open minded and encouraging to them and have and will continue to extend the same things to my future step children. As far as the school things go, any parent teacher meeting I have gone to involved me taking off from my day job for, so thats not a issue. I have never missed and event my kids have played in either. I may not be the worlds best dad but I try.
I leave the house 2 hours before bedtime here, so realy I am spending more time with the kids and am doing more around the house than she will be. I'm just not sure why she can't see what I see.
Thank you for your input.
@Man-Tk
Ha! Thats nice I bet you guys have fun!
@ DJ Ace cap1 again.
Yeah I keep my pimp hand strong!!! (until I get home and she takes it from me and slaps me with it) lol
@ island sjoa
I agree.
Thanks for everyones input on this subject.
Mensajes Mon 18 Oct 10 @ 1:09 am
Dazmax
Hi mate
Planning to do the same myself. Finnishing all the messing about overseas and getting back to what i love doing full time. Done it before and found that while being away on the weakend is the hardest. Working during the week is no big problem because there is loads of stuff you can do for/with the kids. even if its just taking them to school in the morning amd giving the Mrs a break. The weekends are different because that is traditionaly a family time. Finding the energy to do things with the family when you got home at 5am takes some doing.
Daz
Planning to do the same myself. Finnishing all the messing about overseas and getting back to what i love doing full time. Done it before and found that while being away on the weakend is the hardest. Working during the week is no big problem because there is loads of stuff you can do for/with the kids. even if its just taking them to school in the morning amd giving the Mrs a break. The weekends are different because that is traditionaly a family time. Finding the energy to do things with the family when you got home at 5am takes some doing.
Daz
Mensajes Mon 18 Oct 10 @ 2:25 am
DGee
Thank you for your comments. I see you now as a loving father and a man of integrity. Finding the balance is the key and keeping involved in your kids lives. Working 5 nights a week will be tough for awhile and if you can reduce that as things progress I am sure you will do fine. A little extra support to the Mrs. as she seems scared at this point, would be in order.
Let us know how you make out with an update at some point.
-DGee
Let us know how you make out with an update at some point.
-DGee
Mensajes Mon 18 Oct 10 @ 8:41 am
philmorse
Hey guys this is a really good discussion and quite a common problem.
(I love the bit about "skipped CDs entirely", by the way - that was me too, by choice.)
I wrote an article on this on my blog Digital DJ Tips. Here it is:
Dads Behind the Decks: How to Juggle Kids, Career and DJing
There were some useful replies to it too, that may help you. I wish you the best of luck.
(I love the bit about "skipped CDs entirely", by the way - that was me too, by choice.)
I wrote an article on this on my blog Digital DJ Tips. Here it is:
Dads Behind the Decks: How to Juggle Kids, Career and DJing
There were some useful replies to it too, that may help you. I wish you the best of luck.
Mensajes Mon 18 Oct 10 @ 11:20 am